Have you heard of this smart TV technology? Mine is so smart that it knows how sick I am and prescribes medication during my favorite shows.
When I sneeze during the spring it tells me all about Claritin® for my allergies. In the fall I feel a bit down so I pop a few Abilify® tablets from Doctor Television for my social anxiety disorder. Once in a while I indulge myself with a spicy burrito and I get a bit of indigestion. So what is my miracle cure? I asked my television once again and in between my favorite shows I learned all about the wonders of Nexium®! It was nice of it to wait until a commercial break because I could not be bothered during the emotional roller coaster that is Grey’s Anatomy.
Sometimes the television talks extra fast and writes in tiny letters but I imagine that it’s because it wants to get as much information across without interrupting my show. I just want to feel better.
I am concerned that my allergies might carry over into the winter so I take my Claritin® every day and since it’s the fall season I definitely need some Abilify® so I can keep motivated with finals coming up. It’s almost the holiday season so I better start taking Nexium® on a regular basis so I can eat all that I want.
Now I am the pinnacle of health and well being thanks to Doctor Television. I don’t even need to go to my regular physician anymore. I can just call him up and tell him what my real doctor says! I would assume that Doctor Television makes a lot more money than mine and to the best of my knowledge has never been sued for malpractice.
I can also just order my miracle cures online as well so I never even have to leave the house! Looks like I will need a weight loss cure soon so let’s see what the good doctor has to say about that. Thank goodness there is a surgery for my needs and I only had to turn on the television to find out. Now I can go on with my life.
Wait. What’s going on here? I suddenly have a rash and have liquid coming from both of my ends as well as anxiety, indigestion and my stitches are infected! I thought I was healthy! I once again turn to you, Doctor Television, to cure my ailments. Cymbalta® for my blood pressure? Well, okay… but my blood pressure is only high because I am stressed out about my sudden bout of infirmity.
I wonder if I should stop taking my medications. Doctor Television what should I do? Pop a couple of Lunesta® and forget about it? I should sleep it off, I guess. Let me just check the side effects this time. Severe case of death may occur. Well, at least I won’t wake up groggy in the morning!
Doctor Television to the ER Please: A column by Gabriel Riviere
Davis leaving campus for job at alma mater
Carolyn Davis, campus assistant dean for administrative services, recently announced that she is leaving her post at the University of Wisconsin-Baraboo/Sauk County for a job at her alma mater.
Davis will leave in January to be the Director of Auxiliary Services for The College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Va. Davis received her bachelor’s degree in psychology and a Master’s of Business Administration with a concentration in finance from William and Mary.
“I have several family members that live in the area so in many ways it is truly going home for me,” Favis said in an e-mail announcement to campus staff. “This decision was not an easy one. I transitioned out of the private sector into higher education in order to “make a difference”. Little did I know what a difference all of you would make for me. You allowed me to fulfill my dreams of working in higher education, be involved in the community and teach! I thank you for the privilege of working on this campus.”
Campus has plans for H1N1 outbreak
By Gabriel Riviere
BARABOO — H1N1 has arrived at the University of Wisconsin-Baraboo/Sauk County and Carolyn Davis is taking charge.
In addition to being the assistant campus dean for administrative services Davis is also the Continuity Of Operations Plan incident commander. The COOP exists as a blueprint to follow in case of a catastrophe that reduces campus facilities by 40 percent. The plan tells how to prepare for catastrophe, outlines the chain of command, what services can be suspended temporarily and the minimum staff needed to keep operations going. The COOP did not plan for a flu pandemic until the H1N1 virus became a serious threat.
“The outline for H1N1 covers when to activate the plan in order to limit the number of illnesses and deaths and preserve continuity of essential services, as well as to minimize social disruptions and economic losses” said Davis.
There had only been one reported case on campus as of the end of October, but if a major outbreak of H1N1 occurs on campus or in Baraboo, Dean Thomas Pleger would consult with the Sauk County Health Department and the UW chancellor to decide if the campus needs to be shut down. Davis is in charge of monitoring the number of reported cases on campus and relaying information through e-mails and website updates.
“We have asked all faculty to make sure all their classes are set up on the Desire2Learn website so that students and professors can communicate to get everything they need,” Davis said. A shut down of the campus would cause classes to get pushed back, exams to be rescheduled and if the campus remained closed for too long could cause refunds on tuition because of too many missed classes to catch up on.
Faculty and students alike are advised to stay home if they suspect they are sick. Some members of faculty could end up working from home or be sent home on mandatory sick leave. Davis noted that she has no qualms about sending a member of her staff home if they are sick. She was especially concerned about students.
“Anytime there is an illness that is affecting so many people you have to be on alert. Students think that they are invincible and get themselves into a situation where they are more susceptible to illness. Food sleep and hygiene are the three most important things,” she said.
The H1N1 flu vaccine will be available for free to all students and staff on Wednesday, Dec. 2 in the campus gymnasium from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.
